Theory of Adult Love

Hazan and Shaver (1987) later extended attachment theory to adult love relationships. They further tested and expanded attachment theory with adults and found that child/caregiver and adult love relationships share fundamental similarities in attachment needs and longing. Adult attachment combines three independent, interconnected, and innate behaviour systems: caregiving, attachment needs, and the sexual system (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). A fully functioning adult attachment system promotes adaptation, reproduction, and survival for humans (Johnson et al., 2015). If secure attachment functions well, partners co-regulate each other in times of threat, stress, and ambiguity, which helps to build resilience. When one faces a threat to their well-being or relationship, their attachment system is activated and triggers their partner’s caregiving to help them regulate their nervous system (Johnson et al., 2015).

The basic laws of human love are proximity maintenance, safe haven, secure base and separation distress (Brubacher, 2018).

Proximity Maintenance.

Attachment theory is based on humans' survival needs for forming bonds with others, especially in times of threat, stress, and ambiguity (Allan & Westhaver, 2018). Having a felt sense of security is when you call your intimate partner “Are you there?” and you will hear their answer as “yes.” Longing for close connection for safety, security and comfort is an “ancient wired-in-survival code design to keep us safe” (cited in Johnson, 2020, p. 11). Wiebe and Johnson (2017) argued that having a predictable physical and emotional connection with an attached figure can help individuals calm their nervous system and regulate their affect with each other’s nervous system in times of threat (Johnson, 2019). Couples with secure bonds have better resilience to stress, better physical health, more adaptive coping and reduced risk of depression (Johnson & Williams-Keeler, 1998; Wiebe, & Johnson, 2017).

Safe Haven

A secure attachment figure serves as a safe heaven. “Seeking a safe haven is a sign of strength, not enmeshment or weakness” (as cited in Johnson, 2007, p. 5). An individual with a secure attachment bond with their partner can return to their partner for comfort and safety when facing fear or threat in life because the safe heaven provides a source of strength to reach for and use that secure connection when needed (Johnson, 2007).

Secure Base

Individuals with secure attachment can focus their attention on exploring and adapting to their environment because they know that their attached figure is accessible and responsive in times of stress, uncertainty, and threat. Mikulincer (1997) examined five studies on the association between adult attachment style and information processing. It was found that secure individuals can engage more in information searching and have a higher tolerance of ambiguity. Because they trust that their secure figure will be accessible when they need help, they can allocate their energy to focus on processing information. Having a sense of felt security with others helps individuals learn that autonomy and distance are not in conflict with a close connection and dependency on secure others (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).

Separation Distress.

Johnson (2007a; 2017) claimed that the couple’s distress is due to unresponsiveness, which is like the distress experience of the children in Ainsworth’s “still face experiments” (Tronick, 2018). In the still face experiment, when the mother is physically present but emotionally absent, the infant shows the pattern of protest and may exhibit abandonment rage. The mother's still faces did not signal any emotional cue, creating attachment panic. Furthermore, Johnson argued that relationship distress is due to emotional disconnection, which triggers attachment fears. Partners feel separation distress when they sense a threat to their attachment, and their felt sense of secure connection is lost (Johnson, 2019).

Written by Jenny Hsuan Fang Hsu, R.C.C.

for more related reading JennyHsuanFangHsuCapstone.pdf (cityu.edu)